Let me take you back to March 17. You might remember this day full of green beers, green shots, green people, for an unfortunate few, green vomit. But for me, when I think of st patricks day I remember this... after consuming a large unknown amount of this green liquid that tasted of cardboard with hints of bread and discussing in-depth bank robbery plans, a few friends and I call it night at the same time the bars decide to close. What a coincidence! So me and my chums mosey back to my dwelling. We are all feeling strange after consuming this bizarre green liquid, some more strange then others. After 'shooting the shit' for an hour or so. One fellow by the name of Tyler decides he is hungry enough to journey to the king of burgers and request some tasty morsels to soak up this intoxicating fluid inside of him. The two others here this idea. One of them whom we shall call Brian, proclaims "at this hour?! Surely the king of burgers is not serving them!" The other spectator chimes in with an interesting proposition. "i do recall a time when I was in a stupor and stumbled to the kings manor and returned WITH tasty morsels at a time seemingly similar to this! So, sir, I propose to you a wager. One that states if we journey to the kings manor and he gives us tasty morsels, YOU, good sir, shall use what lies in your coin purse to pay the king for MY tasty morsels. And if the king refuses, I shall purchase for you, at another location, enough tasty morsels to fill your gut." Brian ponders for a moment with a crazed look in his eyes, then happily accepts Roj's offer. I, either out of boredom or for the thrill of adventure, decide to accompany my companions on this perilous journey about seven blocks into the city. We come across a dk donut shoppe that seems to have just opened its doors to the public at this early hour of the mourning. My company and I decide to stop in and try what tasty morsels they have to offer. Once inside, instantaneously, Tyler exclaims, "i need four maple bars with Bacon on them!!!" The man behind the counter, without questioning, (and who also might of been a kung fu master), responded, "two minutes. No problem." One minute and fourty nine seconds later we were presented with four deliciously glazed maple bars with sizzling Bacon strips on top of them; courtesy of Tyler. We quickly head out to continue our journey onward to the burger king. I devoured my morsel in a mere minute, its sweet and slightly salty flavor satisfied damn near every tasting bud on my tongue. We finally arrive to the burger king. We see immediately how it has been vacant for an obvious several hours. Roj curses the heavens! Their chariot service however was very operational, but we had left ours back at the fort as the effects of that green liquid had drastically hindered our abilities to operate them. After various failed attempts at getting the king to respond from his ominous menu located behind the building we decide to trek even further into the city to the great golden arches in hopes that they could bare upon us the so craved tasty morsels. Upon arriving another eight or so blocks at our new destination, it appeared that the golden arches were also very unoperational at this cold quiet, lonely hour. Roj and I had already given up hope of acquiring tasty morsels and had headed back for the fort. We must of been only twenty five or thirty feet in front of Brian and Tyler when the sound of shattering glass steals our attention, followed by a loud, "RUN!!" Without questioning the confusion of this sudden twist of events we 'fuckin book it', for about four blocks before we recoup and inquire to what had just happened. It seems in a hulk like rage of hunger, Tyler had decided to punch a window. He had pulled his sleeve over his fist in hopes that it would aid him in protection from the glass. Alas, the glass had been the true victor! Slicing through his sleeve like a dart does the air, the glass also showed no mercy when it chose to put a gushing bloody gash in his finger. It's obvious to us all that his flesh can no way seal itself up without proper sutures. After revealing to us that he cannot afford a medical bill at the moment, I was left with no choice. I must journey to find the Rite Aid in helping my injured ally. Luckily there was one on the way to the fort. I head inside with Roj to find some much needed supplies while Brian stayed outside to keep the bleeding tylers moral up. I came to acquire gauze and a pack of needles with thread already attached, as these were the best options available. We quickly arrive back at the fort and take Tyler to the wash room. I provide him with an old Russian remedy to ease the pain. He chugs some of the bottle. Pours some on his wound. I put on a pair of vinyl gloves I had, grabbed my tools and was ready to operate. Roj intelligently suggests we heat the needle to destroy any microbes that might try and infect our dear friends finger. Blade sanitized. I proceed. The needle pierced cleanly through his surprisingly thick flap of flesh. Upon trying to penetrate the second flap, however, the needle bends! Blast! So close. I remove the needle and heat up a second. Let me tell you that there is so much blood it makes a nightmare on elm street look like sesame street. Upon the second attempt the blood is running so fast I can barely see what I'm attempting to pierce, miss the first flap, yet penetrate the second! Clearly I am no medic. After those two failed attempts, Tyler decides that he must seek professional medicinal practice and Brian and Roj accompany him to the Doc, while I decide its time to call it a day and rest my weary mind and failed medical hands. The end.
